Heaven and hell aren’t places somewhere out there, in another reality. They are places within ourselves.
Today, I visited paradise several times. Together with a client, we played, we soared so high that after the session, all I could say was:
“That… was sacred. How could something s o b e a u t i f u l be wrong… or improper… I think I truly am the happiest woman in the world… Just look what I get to do every day — gliding on the wings of arousal and ecstasy…”
And then, I also saw someone up close, struggling in his own private hell.
Hell is when you torture yourself with your thoughts until everything feels unbearably painful, until you simply can’t bear to be.
Among about 20,000 erotic massages, I’ve seen this happen twice.
The first time was around 14 years ago, when a client, already nervous upon entering, saw my warm, melting sensuality — something he had clearly never encountered — and, struck by some deep fear, grabbed his clothes and ran, accusing me of “actually being a man.”
Today’s client was wound so tight that my flowing sensuality, warmth, awareness, invitation to relax, and intimacy — the very same qualities that had carried others into paradise — instead filled him with anger. His body was stiff, his voice raised, his words sharp. I invited him again and again to simply relax into my warm hands, to stop fighting — and to feel instead, to sense all the beauty and light that was truly unfolding.
But he worked himself into such an inner storm that he didn’t even notice his hand still resting on my bare chest while his words poured out his personal hell. He had driven himself to such an unbearable point that he had no choice but to flee — in the midst of one of the most exquisite massages imaginable.
Feeling sorrow for his tormented state, I thought: “It’s not his fault.”
Planet Earth today is a stressful place. There is no shortage of challenges.
So let’s make it our daily practice, moment by moment, to watch our thoughts — so that we don’t, heaven forbid, build ourselves a hell on earth, where paradise could be.